"The Greatest Crush of All" was about how Lizzie's English teacher was substituted by a handsome Scottish bloke named Ewan Keith (though he didn't sound Scottish by any means), and everyone instantly had crushes on him. well, last night before i slept, i remembered my former Music teacher and club adviser, whom i had painfully fallen for in secret during my last year of highschool. i used to be the president of our Readers & Writers club, and having him as my club adviser launched me into tons of auspicious moments with him. i looked back into our club's old Facebook group, and read through our old posts and comments.
well looking at all these, i just thought, "you know, there is the absolute possibility that he might have liked me..." and them compared to Lizzie and her conversations with Mr. Keith, i remembered all those golden moments with my teacher that lasted far longer and were far deeper than what they had talked about.
and last night, right before i shut off the lights, i looked into my highschool yearbook-sketchbook and reread the letter i had my teacher write to me.
It has been a delight to have you as a student. I'm sure it will be a sweeter treat, being your friend. College will frustrate you. Reality will bang doors in your face. However, remember that you are made of grit, wit and talent. You know how to reach me.and honestly, reading that again made me remember how much i really liked him. i remember thinking over and over, "how could it be possible that someone who says something like that and so much more to me not even think about liking me? not even just a little?"
well once, i truly thought i'd never get over someone that special, who sang Broadway songs while walking down the halls, wrote immaculate poetry (in both English and Filipino) and adored every stroke of genius he could see. well, to me, he was really something else.
"First Kiss" managed to squeeze out a few tears in me. it was that episode where Lizzie got her first boyfriend, a paperboy named Ronnie. i thought of two different people from this particular episode--let's just conceal them under names K and M.
K was someone i shared my faith to on the 3rd floor of Bahay ng Alumni once, and for a while i became quite close to him because i wanted to bring him to church. eventually however, it developed into something far more than that, and everything fell into rather scary pretenses.
M, on the other hand, is the only person i ever [romantically] loved--the only person i prayed to be with someday, the only person whom i ever was convinced would be the very one for me. after spending my day reading through my old Quiet Time notebooks, his name (his true name, at least) if mentioned in prayers would not go by without tears following after.
honestly, if things went as they would have, K might have been my first boyfriend. the last time i saw him, i was walking toward the parking lot of FA with Jam, Aya and Viel, about to get snacks at the cafeteria. K was also there, and saw me--glanced for quite a number of seconds, then quickly looked away. he had a friend with him, jerked his head back as if to point to me, then glanced at me again.
without a doubt, M gave me my first episode of soul-crushing heartbreak. i suppose it was from him that all this depression stuff began. that was almost a year ago since he gave his heart to someone else, and left mine helplessly maimed by misery.
the end of "First Kiss," however, relieved my spirits quite a lot. Lizzie was in a library ripping her notes about Ronnie while Gordo walked in and gave her a wonderful slice of advice cake.
and just like with how i felt after K and M went through and went away--in all those times, i had Kim and Viel, RJ and Jem, mom, dad and my brother all to help me. i'll always cherish my guy friends this way, i believe. nothing ever works better.
lastly, "Dear Lizzie" tickled my INFJ nerve the most. well, blame my friend Jam, who's obsessed with those MBTI tests--in recent years, i've found out i'm an INFJ, described as "the counselors" and "writers." INFJs are known for their quiet spirits, yet each have a deep desire to help others and make a great influence in the world we live in. all my life, i've had friends who have asked me for advice, and whom i've helped because of my advice to them--but not once has a friend of mine failed miserably because of the advice i had given.
and after the "Dear Lizzie" episode, that kind of started to be my fear. Lizzie became the advice columnist for their school's newspaper, and helped hundreds of students with her encouragements and help. however, her advice backfired when one girl who was getting bullied ended up in a trash can to hide from her tormentors.
i thought about how this would reflect on me as a discipler, and eventually (hopefully) as a leader. all my life, i've followed the advice my parents gave me, and passed on the wisdom they gave to me unto other people. i thought about how someday, i'll have to walk this world without their advice or their words--will i be wise enough to help others on my own by then?
i'll let these thoughts swim in my head for tonight. good evening, universe. day 3 of v for vacation ends here.